WHY. - September 24ish... 25, 2014

WHY???

Kelsey, didn't you just explain how you are going to, and want to, be more open to change in your LAST post? 

Kelsey, didn't you decide that Garrett's love is worth all these changes your going to make in your LAST post?

Kelsey, didn't you and Garrett agree that these, "sacrifices", are actually blessings just LAST night? 

The answer to all of those questions:Yes.

Garrett, I'm sorry I am of such little faith.

Lately, you've been calling me a thinker because of this dilemma. 

In a weird sort of way, I smirk whenever you call me this. I get a sick sort of pleasure out of this recognition. 

I hope to explain maybe WHY I think so much.

I believe there are a few reasons WHY.

I was told:

"Kelsey, you have been with a special ability to love and care..."

My heart tends to really invest itself. I instinctively swear my diligence and loyalty to something or somebody that I feel confident in. 

But feeling anything always seems to be complicated. 

There is always a risk involved.

 Passion may blaze brightly with the risk of blinding and burning me. Love can pound fervently in my heart with the risk of being ruptured. 

Trust can be found as easily as it can be broken. 

Like you've recognized. I've had a lot of experience. Good and bad. 

Sadly, the bad experiences seem to be more vivid instead of the good ones. 

Trusting entails ALOT of risk. 

I don't consciously decide to hesitate, Garrett. 

My heart will not open until my mind tells it to. My mind will not send that signal until my heart feels secure. I will not feel secure until my mind has seen evidence. 

Evidence is not faith and I know that, but I have to be selfish when it comes to my trust.

A lot of people have walked out of my life. 

I didn't push them away, in fact, I've begged to repair broken friendships and I've cried because of nonexistent family members. 

I need you to love me harder. 

If you want my trust, I'm sorry, my mind needs time full of evidence. 

I love you.

I do. 

I love you, but I'm a fool for you. 

I am gaining so much from the changes ahead of me, but I hope I can come to understand and become confident in all of the benefits. 

While a fool does not ask questions, an investor investigates. 

Please hold my hand as my heart investigates. 

Your patience is a blessing. You are a blessing.

i hope my honesty doesn't make you question you're value and importance to me. 

If anything my honesty should be evidence. 

EVIDENCE THAT I KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I love you, Garrett.