Garrett + Virginia + Dreaming Big = Some Distance For Now

We are now MARRIED, my love. 

Remember when we felt like that would NEVER EVER happen. We counted the months, days and hours as the wedding date crept closer and closer. And THEN we were wed; for eternity. 

How WONDERFUL is that? 

Image from: (http://www.balconyshirts.co.uk/tote-bags/pretty-pretty-pretty-good.html)

We've had so many laughs, adventures, breakthroughs, frustrations, excitements, disappointments and dreams come true in the short past (almost) 10 months. 

I promise that I would not have it any other way. YOU are the man who makes me most happy. YOU are who I chose because I wanted to choose best for myself. 

           I LOVE you Garrett. 
   

I really believe in what you are doing. 

I really have faith that you can work hard this summer and experience the successes you define for yourself. I also believe it'll be hard work, but I know you're strong enough for it. I believe that money isn't what will MAKE us happy because we already are, but I do believe it can enhance our happiness in the sense that it will provide SECURITY to our family. 

You are smart enough to master the in's and out's of the product you are selling. You are also smart enough to know that knowing the in's and out's require diligent study and follow through. 

Your personality is BRIGHT enough that people will want to talk to you. Your mind is also bright enough to know that you must think about what comes out of your mouth. 

Your heart is large enough to desire the best for your clients and coworkers. Your potential understands that it may take a few tries to develop, but you will harvest it nonetheless. 

Self-Efficacy defines as the belief an individual has about themselves concerning whether or not they can accomplish what is being asked of them. 

How is your Self-Efficacy REALLY doing?

Do you believe that you can make sales this week?  

I want you to answer that for yourself. 

If you DO believe that you will make sales this week than I expect a text with the big bucks listed soon. 

If you realize that you are not really sure of whether or not you will make sales this week, why is that? Identify what may be holding you back. 

NOW FIX IT:

STUDY

PRACTICE

TRY

FAIL

REFLECT

ANALYZE

FIX

TRY AGAIN

(REPEAT) 

GO WORK YOUR BUTT OFF NOT  TO IMPRESS EVERYONE AROUND YOU, BUT TO PROVE SOMETHING TO YOURSELF. 

Flashback.

I'm driving to Smith to pick up ingredients to make torta fritas. My mom had just given me the recipe and I was so excited. As I drive, I think of Garrett. 

I've been worried sick lately. Being engaged hasn't been the easiest thing for me. A lot of changes are being finalized, my future decided, SO many things to plan and on top of that Garrett and I are three hours apart. Miscommunications are bound to happen to any healthy couple, but amplify that by like five times because Garrett and I have hardly been talking compared to what we had before. I was quick to blame Garrett with my silent frustrations, I figured I was done growing up and that I was being patient enough. So all of these factors have been kinda tearing me inside out lately, and Garrett has been tasting the sour end of that. We didn't have one conversation this week where I didn't get grumpy. 

My mom told me she was going to withhold any future expenses for our wedding until we finalize things and figure them out. She didn't want to spend money if our wedding was going to work or last. 

I felt everyone's expectations eye me up and down. 

My mom has every right to tell me what she did. I understood, but i was also worried sick. I genuinely hoped for things to get better between Garrett and I, but if you were to ask me nothing was changing. As I was driving to Smith's, Meghan Trainor's new song blasted through my speakers:

"Like I'm Going To Lose You"

I found myself dreaming of
Silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows

We were walking on moonlight
And you held me close
Split second and you disappeared
And then I was all alone

I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know

So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
And I'll make the most of the minutes
And love with no regrets

So let's take the time to say what we want
Here's what we got before it's all gone
No, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

Hey
Whoa

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

Yeah, yeah
Like I'm gonna lose you

My mind played out the extremity; the one where I lost Garrett. The details of whether the scenario in my head was me leaving him, or him leaving me didn't matter, what finally clicked was that I am not guaranteed that Garrett will want to stay in my life. 

That reality broke my heart. I cried and cried. 

I know that I have been hard to handle lately, yet Garett has patiently sought me through EVERY time. What if one day he decided that he was done with me because I didn't love him enough. My insides cringed because nothing I could say or do could MAKE him stay with me, I realized he'll stay with me right now because he wants to. We have no obligations yet. No kids. No finances. Just our love. 

Our love is enough. 

Our love is fragile. 

Because of me.

Because I'm fragile. 

I think all of the cliches in life always persuade us that true love is strong and that nothing can break it apart, but I'm coming to really understand the kind of world that we live in. Not everything is guaranteed. Not the love of our life's love in return. Not our tomorrows. Not out master plans. Most everything can change. 

So that's why, Garrett, I want to tell you that I know that our love is fragile. 

But it's OK. 

That's what hit me today. Our love can become weak, so we've gotta keep working for it. Keep loving each other. 

And I felt the strong impression to love you better. 

I've been pointing my fingers toward you... convincing myself that if only you would make all of these changes everything would be easier. 

But no, that's not true. 

I've got some changes to make. 

And THAT'S WHAT GOING TO MAKE US STRONGER. 

Here's what Kelsey pictures in her head:

Me + Garrett trying to hold a pane of glass above our heads. No matter what we try to do; we cannot change the consistency of the glass in our hands. It'll break if we aren't careful. We try to keep it as far away from the ground, where it'll demolish, as much as we can. Garrett is much stronger than me and can hold his half up above his head. I can launch the glass gripped in my hands above my head, but I cannot do it for long. I'm getting mad at Garrett, "Well if you wouldn't hold it so high it'd be better for the both of us". Garrett encourages me and tells me that I really can keep up. I don't believe him. The glass is getting closer and closer to the ground where it will shatter. While Garrett is doing his part to hold the glass it will break because I cannot support neither my side or him. Should I expect the glass to change? no. Should I ask Garrett to do more than he can? no. Should I strengthen myself to to become able to hold my part of the pane? yeah I should. 

So Garrett that weird scenario translates to this: I will love you better. I've got to. Our love is beautiful, but it cannot blossom on it's own or just with your faithful efforts. Our love needs me. 

And that's what you do when you love someone, you change. You grow. You work. You become better. 

So I promise you that, Garrett. I promise to make an conscious effort to love you more, better and completely. 

Sorry I have an emotional breakdown often, but i think it makes me smarter in the the end. So maybe you're glad that I have them too. 

:) 

I love you. 

Dear You.

My highs and lows are always so extreme,
and my heart gets caught somewhere in-between.
I'm trying and working my best, I really am,
but am I ready for the next step in Our Plan?

My mind keeps spinning: bad is good,
but good is bad and its important to be understood.
I want to love and be loved in return,
but I think there's something that I've yet to learn.

Because I know I need to trust a little more,
and maybe go knock on other people's door.
Learn to forgive, let go and forget.
And don't do anything that I'd come to regret.
Most of all, but most of all is start my day with You.

I thought I made enough room in my heart for him,
but he's nervous as he tries to settle, settle in.
I don't mean for such serious talk all the time,
but it's the only way to calm my storm deep inside.

Please don't be quick to look away,
Give me a chance and I'll make you want to stay.
Please smile for me cuz I need that smile my life,
I'll change my everything to walk a mile with you.

Because I know that I need to trust you a little more,
and maybe come knocking on your door.
Learn to forgive you, let go, but never forget
the good, the bad, the good.
But none of it I'd regret as long as my forever ends
with you.

Why We Need BandAids.

Sometimes we get hurt, right? Whether our pain was inflicted on purpose or by carelessness may not matter in the end of whatever it is, cuz we still hurt. 

Whether I'm bleeding because of a blister from my new shoes, like today lol, or because I'm bleeding because of a traumatic car crash, I still want RELIEF. 

Garrett, I know that we want our relationship to be perfect, but I know that we are human and we are bound to imperfection. Whenever I say something hurtful I never say it to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to be honest. 

Most of the time when I say I'm going to be blunt I bet you'd be safe to bet that 73% of the time I'm about to tell you something about you. 

GarBear if whatever I say is hurtful, inconsiderate or just plain wrong, allow me to try again or clarify. Because no matter what I ask of you, I don't want you to assume that I am the only one who ever gets their way. If i misunderstood something, help me understand. If you want to clarify something, make it clear. If you're hurt or, "bleeding", because of something i said or did, allow me to supply you with a bandaid. 

Let me supply you with RELIEF. 

I hope you will make room for me in your mind as you try to feel better. 

If whatever it is will take time to figure out and word, take as much time as you need. 

It is never too late to make our love stronger. 

I really appreciate whenever you are REALLY honest with me. I think I'm pretty lucky to love that part of you. I'm blessed to come to learn the mechanics of Garrett Thomas Hamilton's mind. 

Your mind is beautiful and intelligent. I know this because of how you have mastered smiling. I know your competence because of your willingness to work. i know your capabilities because of your attention to details. 

You've made me 2 of the best mix CDs of my entire life!! Both CDs are full of music that relates to US. I'm listening to it right now; it makes it easier to feel you close. 

This music can totally be considered as a bandaid to the uneasiness of the distance between us.

So look at that; you're already giving me bandaids :) 

Garrett I'm sorry for whatever I've said recently or in the past that didn't make you feel good. I'm still figuring things out I guess. I'm trying to better so that I can love you the best I can. 

That's why this blog is coming back baby :)

I LOVE YOU GARRETT. 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENDLESS AND PERFECT PATIENCE. 

It's your kind of quickness to love and understand that has changed my life. 

I mean I've found my husband haven't I?

<3/ Kelsey Rose Hamilton

I can always count on you. - October 14, 2014

I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU BECAUSE:

1. No matter how hard I try my days are never perfect. School is hard, people can be rude, my bank account closes, work is stressful and whatever else happens, but I can count on you reminding me to count my blessings. 
2. That smile of yours is always in display. Whether your'e in zombie mode or telling me a story, you always smile.
3. You always answer my: texts, phone calls, questions and Skype calls. 
4. You work with me to assure success, both spiritually and academically. 
5. Whenever I'm upset you talk me through the situation patiently. You could hang up and avoid sticky situations, but I can always rely on you helping us work things out. 

Thank you for being consistent and persistent. Our love thrives on the surety that you provide. 

I love you. 

Today's Song :)

From a Hopeful Poet - October 9

Dear Sweet Garrett,

Two people with two different smiles and hearts.

Three dates ended with one title.

Together.

Being together concluded in one plump friendship.

One friendship grew into admiration.

Love. 

Ten fingers entwined in-between one another. 

Two lips pressed upon each other. 

Evidence.

Thousands of dreams exchanged nightly. 

Thousands of dreams narrowed into one. 

 Future. 

A future together. 

Garrett.

Seven letters that represent one man.

One man whom I've spent two months with today. 

I've loved every second.

I've cherished every minute.

I memorize every hour. 

I count the days apart,

so that I can love every second, cherish every minute and memorize every hour. 

In hopes of one life. 

With you.

Garrett.

I'm about to be OVERBEARINGLY CHEESY.

If the moon was mine, it'd be yours to have. 

If the sky was at my fingertips,  it'd be in your pocket. 

If all the words were mine to whisper, they'd be in your ears to hear. 

If all the miles were mine to run, to you I'd come.

If the mountains were mine to move,

 the sea mine to govern, 

the sun mine to grant.

You'd have it all. 

I love you Garrett. 

From,

Kelsey Rose, a hopeful poet. 

My Thank U's - October 2ish/3, 2104

My Garrett,

This is a simple Thank You note.

Thank you: for answering my text messages, for giving me so many reasons to smile like putting on your glasses and doing your cool escalator move thing. Thank you for brushing those pearly whites that way they're minty fresh when I kiss you. Thank you for being careful. Thank you for sending me selfies. Thank you of being SO patient. Thank you for loving me and my imperfections. Thank you for grinning the way you do. Thank you for changing your profile picture to one of us together. Thank you for planning as precisely as you do. Thank you for being answers to so many of my muttered prayers. Thank you letting me caress your sexy arms. Thank you for welcoming me into your future. Thank you for being Garrett Thomas Hamilton and for loving Kelsey Rose Banner.